It all started when I noticed that I could lose 2 pounds just by feeding the baby. First I thought if I could just have 15 more kids to feed, my extra 30 pounds would be gone. Then I remembered that the extra 30 pounds is baby weight from my last one. Let's see...multiply 30 pounds by 15 babies, and now I'm 450 pounds overweight. OK, so that won't work. So here's my fail-proof, step-by-step plan to losing 3 pounds every day before Christmas. This must all be done first thing in the morning, before getting dressed or eating anything.
1. Feed the baby.
2. Go to the bathroom.*
3. Clip my toenails.
4. Blow my nose.
5. Get undressed.
6. Shave my legs.
Wala! I'm now 3 pounds lighter than I was when I started. Foolproof. No exercise or dieting required. I'm going to do this every day before Christmas.
*This weight loss will vary depending on the success of the bathroom visit.
Fine print: The 3 pounds comes back by the end of the day every time. If you follow my plan, you will still be the same weight at Christmas as you are now.
5 comments:
LOL. I *looked* as if I had lost a significant amount of weight once I got a better-fitting bra. It is amazing to see that I actually did have a bit of a waist--it was just obscured by my drooping bosoms. :)
I love this! I've actually found that by cutting out soda and dropping Hostess Twinkies from my diet, I'm GUARANTEED a weight loss. I can manage the soda part okay, but doing without my Twinkies about kills me! Is it really worth it? Why don't we just go back to the century when "plump" meant beautiful?
Wow! You put a lot of thought into this!!! I think you might be one to something... sounds more reasonable than some of the infomercials out there!!!
are you planning on having 15 kids ??? :-)
I'm not planning on 15 kids, but I bet I would lose weight...there wouldn't be enough groceries to go around. :)
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