In Memory of Regina

Big Sissy, as you know by now, has a LOT of questions. She is also very sensitive. She cried the first time she watched Beauty and the Beast because the Beast was sad when Belle ran away from the castle (even though his anger sent her away). She cried in Mulan because she thought the bad guy's bird might be sad when he was finally killed at the end.

Tonight we were talking about family relationships. She was asking me who my mommy and daddy are, who all my sisters are, who my brother is, etc. I knew it was coming but I didn't have time to think it through before she asked: "Daddy, who are your sisters?" For those who don't know, my husband had an older sister who was killed in a tragic bus accident in 1985. Her college's freshman class was taking a trip to Eureka Springs, AR, and the brakes went out in the bus, sending it down into a ravine. Four students and the bus driver were killed and 16 others were injured.

I didn't know Regina well. She was 6 years older than me, so at youth camp when I was 11, she would have been 17. I knew who she was, but that's a pretty big age gap when you're a teenager. I remember when it happened, though. I was spending the night with my grandma, and she came in and told us in the morning that there had been a terrible accident. (She went to church with my husband's family.) We all prayed together for the family, who is now my family.

Big Sissy is still asking questions about it, even hours later. I'm sure there will be more tomorrow.

"How come God didn't just take her to heaven before the accident happened?"
"Did the bus driver feel bad when he realized they were about to crash?"
"What did Aunt Regina say when she realized the bus was about to crash? Was she scared?"
"Were Aunt Regina's friends sad--the ones who didn't get dead?"

As usual, I don't have good answers to most of her questions. I just don't know. But one thing I'm sure of is that Aunt Regina loved Jesus and one day we will get to meet her in heaven. I'm mourning in a different way than those who knew her, of course. I wonder what it would be like to have another sister-in-law. Would she live close? Would she like me? How many more nieces and nephews would I have? Would we have things in common? Would she be a typical firstborn? I feel more emotional about it tonight than I have in a long time, just thinking through Big Sissy's questions. Of course I wish God would have spared her (and the scars it has left on my husband's family). I don't know why bad things happen, but I have to believe it is all part of His sovereign plan. Max Lucado has described God's plan as a tapestry. In this life what we see is a tangled mess--knots and mixed up threads. It doesn't make sense to us. But what God sees is a picture where all the pieces fit together and the result is beautiful. Someday we will get to see that side of the picture. For now we long for heaven--where there is no more death, disease, or sadness. And we wait to see the other side of the tapestry.