If Life Gives You a Master Cleanse,

Make Lemonade!!!

For the past couple of years I have heard about this "master cleanse," which consists of water, fresh lemon juice, grade B pure maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. I never had any desire to do it, but I thought it was slightly intriguing.

Not being Catholic, I've never given up anything for Lent. This year, however, Hubby and I both decided to give up Pepsi. We know it's not healthy, and we just needed a reason to stop drinking it. I had one Pepsi during that time, which Catholic friends tell me is normal. Hubby says we get "a mulligan" since we're Protestant. Whatever. I'm just weak. I was still pretty proud of myself, but I was disappointed that I didn't drop any weight and my body didn't miraculously transform during those weeks.

Since I'm a night owl and a google addict, I decided to do some research (not scientific, mind you). I came across a youtube video series of a girl who did this master cleanse for 40 days, and I could see the transformation of her body and her face. Impulsively, I decided to try it. I knew I wouldn't make it 40 days, but I thought I would do the recommended minimum: 10 days. When I woke up the next morning, I packed up the children and headed to Trader Joe's to purchase the lemons and Grade B maple syrup. On the way I sent this text to Hubby: "Started a fast/cleanse today. I might be crabby. Just thought you should know."

The day I started, I also went to my doctor's office for a physical (yes, the children were still with me. That was interesting.) Of course she rolled her eyes when I told her what I was doing and just said that if I felt like I needed to do it, don't do it for a long time.

So a day and a half later, when I CAVED when Hubby ordered roast beef sandwiches for the family (except me, of course), I felt justified that I was following doctor's orders. I felt slightly guilty for eating Little Buddy's sandwich, but he was asleep and had no idea what he missed.

Here's what I learned from this little experiment:
1. I'm weak. I won't lie. I like food.
2. The cleanse didn't seem to cleanse. I found out later I was supposed to be drinking a herbal laxative tea at night, but somehow I missed that little detail.
3. Lemonade made with maple syrup is tasty, but it all gets ruined by the cayenne pepper.
4. Did I mention that I like food? Lemonade isn't food no matter how it's made.
5. You can use lemons for all kinds of things--you know, just in case you have a 10-day supply laying around. Of course they make really great lemonade with old-fashioned sugar (which is also handy when you have a child with an intolerance to yellow dye), but you can also use them to dissolve your tablets for dying eggs.
6. It's a really bad idea to break your fast with Arby's roast beef followed by a Sam's club hot dog, even if said fast only lasted a day and a half. Somehow the hot dog has more of a cleansing effect at that point than the lemonade ever did.
7. I cannot drink 60 oz. of liquid in a day even if I'm not consuming food. So to drink all of that lemonade PLUS regular water in a day was physically impossible.

Master Cleanse = Fail. But we are currently enjoying our diet of sugary lemonade and Pepsi. Back to water tomorrow. With food.