Being A Pentecostal Girl in the 80's

I was flipping through a catalog from a children's boutique called "chasing fireflies." It caught my eye because, well, that's what my girls have been doing for the past 2 months. There were some cuuuuuute clothes in there, but one thing struck me as particularly funny: a silk dress with silk gauchos (which were $88 by themselves). Now, I have had PLENTY of gauchos in my time, and they were never silk. I can't even figure out where you would wear such a thing. Very cute, though, if you had the right occasion!

My gauchos weren't silk, but here are some of the fancy things I wore as a Pentecostal girl in the 80's:

* gaucho dresses. every color. every pattern. and always a scrunchie to match.

* black Cyndi Lauper earrings hanging on my fluorescent pink dress, because of course I didn't have my ears pierced.

* t-shirt dresses. two oversized t-shirts sewn together (the bottom one missing the neck and sleeve holes) to make a duo-tone dress.

* lots of stark white pantyhose, or worse, colored pantyhose with white shoes.

* vaseline on my eyelashes and lips to look like makeup.

* hair tucked in my collar, pulled out just right so it looked like my hair was cut.

* cheap plastic gold rings in my ears (you know the things that people used to put around wedding bulletins) to look like earrings

I guess every girl wants to be fancy sometimes. It will be interesting to see what my girls do to express their style. So far Big Sissy could care less about clothes or fashion. She just wants to be comfortable while she explores. Little Sissy, on the other hand, wants to be pink and sparkly all the time and prefers to sit inside where there is no heat or bugs. Reminds me of 2 other sisters I know...

Technology is Not Always Better

I supposedly have predictive text on my phone, but it doesn't ever know what I want to say. Just now I tried to tell my sister I have chicken salad and corn on cob, but I told her instead that I have children salad and corn on bob. Sounds a little macabre. mhwaaa haaaa haaa haaa.

I think I would like all these new gadgets that you, my friends, tell me about. Maybe someday when I have an income to spend and a private tutor to teach me how to use them I will get caught up. For now, here are some of my own definitions:

bluetooth: what my grandma always gets on her dentures when she chews blue gum

iPhone: what iDo when I've wasted too much time trying to text

blackberry: the only thing I have planted in my yard right now.

mp3: what I could use more of with my children--my privacy, my pride, and my patience

smart phone: what they created to make up for dumb users

PDA: One of the top 10 "no no's" at youth camp: public display of affection

twitter: somehow related to the little birdie with the yellow bill, but I'm not sure how

lol: lots of love

<3: I just figured out this didn't mean "less than 3."

instant message: what you have to leave if you ever try to call my home phone

flat screen: what's about to become of my big "ole" television since everything is digital and I don't get any channels any more.

flash drive: what the women in my family do when they try to change their clothes on their way to work

laptop: where my children sit to cuddle with me

It's not so bad, you know--talking to people the old-fashioned way. At least I still remember how to spell words and where to put punctuation--mostly. I'm afraid it is all slipping away for the next generation. But I still feel like I need to hurry and catch up before I lose touch completely and embarrass my children. So 4 now, ttyl, my bff's. lol.

Some Things Run in the Family

I couldn't have been more proud of Big Sissy this weekend. She was not scared to try anything. I wish I had a morsel of her courage and confidence. She swam in the lake, rode on the zip sled, went tubing, and even skiied with Mr. B. As if that were not enough, she found her first lizard, frog, snail, and clam. Fireflies are so last month now.

The B family has passed along the "fancy tricks" gene to their offspring.

The Brimms may have inadvertently passed along a little "fear of the water" gene to Little Sissy.

But she and Daddy both conquered their fears, at least for a few minutes to get a picture.

Water Skiing Lessons

My first experience water skiing was about 11 years ago. My bff called and asked if I wanted to go with her and her father-in-law to Carlyle Lake. He had a boat, and was always looking for a reason to get out on the water. I was single and apparently had time to spare, and I'm always looking for fun times. BFF's husband had to work, so it was just the 3 of us--a little awkward since I'd only met her father-in-law a couple of times. So he drove the boat, bff sat in the boat since she was pregnant, and I naively jumped into the water and attempted to figure out what the heck I was supposed to do. In a few minutes I found out how water skiing works: you strap on the clown shoes, you squat and wait for the engine to rev, then you get dragged by one foot through dirty water while sputtering and gasping for air. I was satisfied with my experience--you can't enjoy everything, right?

Well...this past weekend we went to the lake with our dear friends from church. Determined not to be a chicken (and trying to be a good example for Little Sissy, who is scared of everything), I decided to try again. Mr. and Mrs. B gave me some lessons before I went out.

First, you hold your arms straight and let the boat pull you up like this.

Once you're comfortable and have been doing that for a while, you can tuck the handle behind your legs...

and ski with no hands...

or with just one hand.

When that becomes dull, just take one ski off...

and try balancing it on your arms while you ski on one foot.

OK, I'm ready. So I just strap my feet in and wait for the boat to pull me up, right?

Ummm...what happened to that part about letting the boat pull me up?

I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to have the skis in my hands, right?

Take 2. Maybe I'll try again in another 10 years or so.

But just for the record, I went tubing for the 2nd time in a month and I wasn't even scared this time.

In Case You Didn't Get Enough...

Here are some more doctor visit funnies I thought of--mostly in the middle of the night. I actually had to get up and write them down. Sad, I know.

I'm here to see the pediatrician.
Here's lookin' at you, kid!

I'm here to see the doctor about my scoliosis.
Don't get so bent out of shape.

I'm here to see the pulmonologist.
Well, as I live and breathe, look who's here!

I'm here to see the cardiologist.
Go on in. We don't miss a beat around here.

I'm here to see the dentist.
I'm just filling in.

I'm here to see the plastic surgeon.
You seem a little nosey.

I'm here to see the periodontist.
Let's get to the root of this.

And if that's not bad enough, my Facebook friends joined in on the fun. Here are my sister's contributions:

I'm here to see the hearing-impaired specialist.
Please sign in.

I'm here to see the pharmacist.
He just drug in.

I'm here to see the neurosurgeon.
We'll let you cut ahead (get it? cut a head???)

Wish me luck... i'm going to try to get into the orthopedic surgeon.
Break a leg!

And some other appropriate ones...

I'm here to see the neurologist.
Ya think?

I'm here to see the endocrinologist.
Eh, don't sweat it.

I'm here to see the allergist
It's nothing to sneeze at.

I'm here to see the obstetrician
You're pushing it.

I'm here to see the ear, nose, and throat specialist.
'Snot good!

No more, I promise. My brain has moved on (finally) to other nonsensical lists. Thanks for playing, everyone!

Did You Hear The One About the Doctor Visit?

This post all started when my friend, who works in health care, mentioned that she went to visit the mammography department to see if they could squeeze her in. That made me giggle because I'm just immature like that, but the ball started rolling in my head that hasn't quit for the past few days. So here is the beginning of a new list of doctor's office funnies that I came up with.

I'm here for a mammogram.
I'll see if I can squeeze you in.

I'm here to see the dermatologist.
Well, let's not make a mountain out of a molehill.

I'm here to talk to the doctor about my obesity.
I'll see if I can fit you in.

I'm here for a breast exam.
I feel ya.

I'm here to see the chiropractor.
He's going to crack you up today.

I'm here to see the gynecologist.
He'll be here soon. Put your feet up and get comfortable.

I'm here for a rectal exam.
Bottom's up!

I'm here for a filling.
Have a seat. You know the drill.

I'm here for a colonoscopy.
You're so full of crap.

I'm here to see the psychiatrist.
There will be a wait. We've all been a little crazy today.

I'm here for a vision exam.
Let's see here...

I'm here to get my hearing checked.
Huh? (you didn't see that one coming, did you? hee hee)

Feel free to add more in your comments. Oh, and if you're over 14, um....sorry and thanks for indulging in my humor. :)

The Mommy Diet

I used to be skinny. No, that's not true. Why would I lie on my own blog? I DID used to be in shape, however. And I had a flat stomach. (Excuse me while I indulge in imaginary dreamy music and visions of swimsuits with no skirt attached and no puffiness above my jeans.) OK. I'm back.

Things started to change when I got married. While I was content with a salad for dinner, my husband would say things like, "That was really good. Now what's for supper?" So I learned to eat meat with every meal. We used to try to share food at restaurants to save on the cost, but I learned that I had to eat really fast in order to get any (or have them split the order before they brought it out). Then I started having children. It's not their fault I gained the mommy weight. While with my first I ate mostly organic and worked out every day, by the time the second one came along I started to slip. I ate mostly healthy with the addition of chocolate chip cookies or peanut butter and honey at night. Oh, and sometimes I drank whole milk because that's what my firstborn was drinking and well, it was yummy. I still walked some, but I was starting to get tired. When my second was 9 months old and I found out I was pregnant again, I went completely crazy indulged a little more. Trying to push a double stroller while pregnant was nearly impossible, so I gave up walking.

So that's the sad demise of my once young, once curvy-in-the-places-you-should-be physique. I'm working on trying to remember what normal girl portions are--you know, when you're not pregnant or breastfeeding or both. It's been quite some time since I had to think about that. And I'm trying to exercise more. I don't know which is the bigger challenge. As I've been trying to be more aware of my food intake, I have been amused at what I actually eat now that I'm a mom. Here is an example of a day on the Mommy Diet:

Breakfast:
cold coffee (because after microwaving it twice it just doesn't seem worth it any more).
soggy cereal (because inevitably someone needs help right AFTER I've poured the milk on my cereal)

Lunch:
pizza crusts (because none of the kids will eat them and I can't throw away the entire perimeter of a perfectly good pizza)
6 oz. yogurt (2 oz. left in Little Buddy's, 2 oz. left in Big Sissy's, and 2 oz. left in Little Sissy's)
mommy juice (Pepsi. I don't think this one needs explained.)

Supper:
meat, meat, meat (because my husband LOVES meat)
asparagus or broccoli stumps (because only the tops are easy to for little teeth to chew, leaving the stumps for the well-developed mommy teeth)
lukewarm water with nasty floaty things in it (because all the children love to eat my ice, and water is way more fun to drink out of a glass than a sippy cup)

So after being on the mommy diet for a while, I'm figuring out that this may be why I LOVE going out to eat. Everyone gets their own food, cooked how they like it, AND I don't have to prepare it, share it, de-spice it, or disguise it. Then when we're done I don't have to finish it, sweep it, clean it, wipe it, wash it, store it, or load it. That's a mommy diet breakthrough.